Another April

Where's the pac? Really it's just a lack of enthusiasm for the blog experience. Sometimes maybe, I dunno it feels like I have nothing creative at this point. It was weird looking at the last post and seeing that it was in July! I guess an update is in order. It's official, I have joined the ranks of the working stiffs of the world. That's really the biggest news at this point. After what was a quite stressful summer of uncertainty, insecurity and a little more of the same, September brought a new job and the beginning of arcticling and I guess the last step to be a lawyer. Am I excited? I thought I would be, as if this lawyer thing is some sort of glamor grab. Truth be told experience is the ultimate enabler of humility. In our post adolescent victory lap into our mid 20's the next step is the realization that we don't got all the answers and there are people in this world who are believe it or not...smarter than we are. So does this mean I'm hating the next step? Actually, I love my job. I been told that I would be a good criminal lawyer. Never really had an urge to take it up in school but for some reason, you end up where you end up. What I like about the job is that it's real. Its amazing how what happens at work can amuse, shock and sicken you. Maybe I like the role because I feel like some sort of underdog. Pissing off authority and all that maybe. The job is great, I enjoy the work, the people treat me fair and that's really all I want. But it does feel like starting over again for some reason. That's where the humility comes in. After finishing school and feeling like the cock of the walk, like you actually achieved something, here you go all over again. New people to meet, new work to be done, new experiences, and most importantly, you start anew earning respect. I think personally that's what seperates one from the other. This realization that respect is earned and given not as some sort of benefit or a gift from the gods. Since respect is never really given, it can't be. What you learn on the job is that it's only exchanged. Real early in this gig the one thing you have to wrap your head around is that no one is gonna respect you unless you respect them first. People in this world arent going to like me, but well, at least one can be civil. I think as people that one of our biggest problems is the ability to accept our enemies as being our equals. So here's the deal wit the rest of life. Besides the professional things its been a strange couple of months. Lost a couple of people. Hard to understand and really appreciate life or death. I don't know, when you think about it, it's hard to contend with the conflict in your mind about it. Other than that, the last couple of months have been what they've been. For some reason the stifled creativity seems to want to come out of me at this point. I feel like i'm in the middle of the pier, a seagull looking out to the horizon wondering where that next fish is coming from. This is at my most vulnerable, this is me, this is real.